A Scientist at the Movies Reviews by Greg Paris

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Title: Universal Soldier II: The Return

Date Viewed: 22 August, 1999

Details:

Jean-Claude van Damme

Michael Jai White

Bill Goldberg

Director: Mic Rodgers

Score: -

The Review: Big dudes; even bigger guns. Minimal dialog, and less plot. Pretty silly; pretty bad; not very pretty.

In a reprise of his role in (and as a) Universal Soldier (colloq. abbrev. "UniSol"), van Damme and the rest of the still-existing UniSol's are about to suffer from a military budget cut. (...Would that this had happened before they exposed the film.) This means that the UniSol group will be decommissioned and that the controlling uber-computer, Seth (or is it S.E.T.H.?), must be turned off. Seth decides to take this personally, in at least two senses of the word, and the inevitable conflict ensues: Seth and a few UniSols against the entire US Army. Naturally, van Damme happens to get in the way, and repeatedly takes substantial abuse. Portions of the plot (such as it is) have been borrowed from last week's WWF or stolen from Demolition Man. Although, considering the volume of the Sony SDDS sound-track and the intrusion of heavy metal, you are most likely unconscious throughout much of the movie anyhow, and do not care about the denouement except that it serves to offer blessed silence.

To say that the tenants of neurophysiology are blithely ignored is an understatement. The same happens to the tenants of acting, mammalian physiology in general, Moore's law of computing, and family values: all surpass the bounds of credibility. If it's action you crave, rent Demolition Man instead -- it's better and certainly more amusing.

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