A Scientist at the Movies Reviews by Greg Paris

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Title: Beneath Loch Ness

Theatrical release: 2001 (?)

Details:

Patrick Bergin

Lysette Anthony

Brian Wimmer

Lysa Apostle

Vernon Wells

David Andriole

Chris Taaffe

Director: Chuck Comisky

Score: -

The Review: From long-term romantic and scientific fascination, I'm a soft touch for anything connected with "Loch Ness," so I felt compelled to rent this video. Along with other things Nessian, I've even got a video copy of the original Secret of the Loch (1934: alas, pretty awful, with Nessie played by an iguana), and an adjacent pair of British Ordinance Survey topo quads of the Loch Ness region hanging on my library wall. No one has yet done a really interesting movie about the loch and its (possible) inhabitant(s) -- balancing biology, geology, adventure, thrills of the unknown, and the lure of spectacular countryside -- although the Ted Danson version (Loch Ness, 1995) comes closest, it's more than a bit soppy at the end. So I'm sorry to say, but not surprised, that Beneath Loch Ness doesn't make the grade either: unknown actors, marginal plot, mediocre photography, poor science -- a classic grade B film were it from the '50's.

The plot is simplistic: a research expedition to Loch Ness, led by a renegade scientist with a radical theory to prove, funded (indirectly) by a television syndicate. The scientist disappears under spooky circumstances, is replaced by a fractious colleague, and the search resumes. Much friction exists with the town folk. And there's a surge of new-age (pronounced as if one word, like "sewage") and Nessie hugger interests, and a web site run by potential hoaxers. And some of the natives are very strange and not too friendly.

Most of the action occurs within 1/2 mile of the Drumnadrochit pier in the vicinity of Castle Urquhart, not inappropriate since this is the locus of highest density Nessie reports on the loch. And yes, it is possible to dive 132 meters deep fairly close to the shore at this point, this being one of the few facts they got right: the loch has a steep drop-off, as befits a sunken graben. But the plot revisits some hoary (and easily discredited) mythology: a connection to the sea, and a minimally evolved elasmosaur and/or kronosaurus (or both?). And it involves some bogus science and diving practice: e.g., one does not ascend continuously (in panic) from 130m free diving without decompression, and be pain-free upon surfacing. Because most of the movie takes place within a limited geography, you'd expect the background shots to be boring and repetitive, and you'd be right: there are a few shots of a loch from various viewpoints and angles, most of which are indeed Ness, but at least one of these shots is probably Loch Assynt or Loch Morag (neither of which are anywhere near Ness). Confusing and unnecessary.

For reasons absurd at best, there is one requisite wet T-shirt shot with one of the actresses. Most of the acting is acceptable, but just barely; one or two of the actors do show some promise (Lysette Anthony, in particular). But there is little to recommend here; don't waste your money.

(7-Jul-02)

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